Tuesday, December 19, 2017
Thursday, July 20, 2017
I have been thinking recently how long it has been since I've written here, and how when things are going well, I may not need to write here as often, which is a good thing for me-enjoying life and not over-processing it, but I knew I'd come here soon. I wanted to write about Firefly's day in June and write about Oscar's and Bella's birthday later this month. Perhaps I will write about them, but today, my heart has been shattered again.
My mom died unexpectedly. July 19th is the last day I saw, and ever will see, my Mom's body. We didn't talk on the phone a lot, so I don't know the last time I spoke with her, but I had an email from her in my inbox that I hadn't responded to yet. She asked about it earlier in the day, if I had answered. It was about me bringing the kids up for a visit next week.
By the time I got to the hospital, she was already gone. Had I gotten there earlier, she wouldn't have known I was there, as she was unconscious from around 12:40pm until her death between 4pm and 5:50pm while I was driving to the hospital (2.5 hour drive from my house to the hospital where she was), so I'm not too distraught about not being there when she died. I wish I could have answered the email though, so it didn't feel like I left her hanging. My sister said she was excited to see the kids next week, and now she's gone. She will never see Gus and Lucy grow up. She would never see Lucy in any dance clothes or recitals, something my mom would have absolutely adored. She will never be there for anything, ever again.
So much of what is happening now is reminiscent of when Oscar and Bella died. It is hard to balance my own grieving with being a support for others because I have been through unexpected and too soon deaths already. I am grateful that my grief with my kids can help navigate this time for my step-dad, but am so sad that my mom is gone, and that I have to navigate this at all.
Friday, May 26, 2017
- I went to Boston this week to see if I was eligible to participate in a clinical trial working to reverse Type 1 diabetes using the BCG vaccine. The lab needed to run a c-peptide test (a measure of insulin production) and are accepting those with values between 5 and 200. (Note: A non-diabetic with a normal functioning pancreas would be between 170 and 900). My results came back at the lowest threshold of 1.5. What this means is that my actual value of c-peptide is AT MOST 1.5. There is a "second chance" to get into the study by having my urine tested, so I'm awaiting the urine test kit to do next week. I knew my chances of getting into the study were slim, but it's still stinky to not qualify.
- Ever since joining a gym, and exercising every day, I've had to reduce my basal rates by 10%!!!! Apparently exercise increases sensitivity to insulin.
- I'm uploading my pump and meter weekly to my diabetes educator and we are making changes. The biggest challenge right now is figuring out what to do to prevent lows, both while exercising and after exercising.
- I had my A1c done on Monday, and it came back at 6.2!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those not diabetic would be between 4 and 6. A 6.2 puts my average blood sugar for the past 3 months at 131.